By: Kenneth Rosa
We all know that day. The day after Father’s Day, your birthday, Christmas or Thanksgiving. The day after any significant event in your life your children don’t, won’t, or can’t acknowledge you as being a human being let alone their father.
We can have a million people wish us a happy Father’s Day. We can spend time with friends and family and our other children. Our new significant other. We love those people that try to make those days and events special for us. We truly do and we’re happy. Those happy moments are like the rays of the sun filtering through a dark storm cloud because in our hearts and the furthest recesses of our minds we are missing a piece of us. Yes, the sun is still beautiful in the storm just like life with all our loved ones around but the storm within is the missing children and the time lost with them. The lost time to share those beautiful, loving, and wonderful moments with all of our children.
We push that emotion of the missed days or non-acknowledgment down the day after but it’s there. We try to stay positive and hope that maybe they’ll contact us on the next day they should. When they don’t, the day after is tough on many fathers and non-custodial mothers. Father’s Day was tough for me just like a lot of you. I heard from my oldest kiddos and spent the day with my youngest kiddos but no correspondence from the two in the middle that I’ve been fighting the corrupt St. Louis County family courts for 7 seven years to remain in their lives. I’ve never been convicted of a crime — yet I haven’t been able to spend time with my own children due to a vindictive refusal by my co-parent and the courts to enforce what little time I’m supposed to have with them.
They’re now old enough to reach out to me on their own but they don’t. Why? I believe it’s because parents train children how to act, to cope, to love, and to function. When one parent makes life difficult on children to love or see the “targeted” parent, the children learn this behavior. It was “bad” to see my father. Mom was mad or withheld affection if I talked to my dad. I’m not an expert. If that’s how the children are trained, they can’t reconnect because subconsciously its reliving a “bad” experience and they carry guilt for it. It was against the rules to love or reach out to that targeted parent, so they don’t.
People can’t understand the day after unless they’ve had to live a child acting like you don’t exist. “Don’t call or text. He is beneath us. He did me so wrong, don’t you remember?” No child should have to carry that burden of anger, resentment, revenge, or hatred against their father or mom as a targeted parent. It’s not theirs to carry and its evil for you to give it to them. Children should be allowed to love both parents equally, without consequences. Family Courts should never start conflict of owning the other parent through children or allow this behavior to continue. Children are not weapons. They can’t get these days of love, Father’s Day, birthdays, vacations or time back either.
The nation and now worldwide systematic removal of a targeted parent in nearly every case proves that it’s a statistical improbability that all these parents aren’t being discriminated against, deprived their human rights, or being judged with bias. This keeps mainly fathers at 4 four day a month or less visitors, solely for the profit of the courts and state. Fathers wouldn’t be living in our cars to work just to see our children and keep going back to court time after time if we didn’t love our children. We don’t care about the money taken or the court chaos. We care about the lost time and the lost Father’s Day, lost birthdays, and the day after.
I want to thank those friends and family that wished me a happy Father’s Day, the kids that loved on me, the spouse that made it a great day. Who am I to complain when some fathers didn’t even get that? The day after I feel guilt and sorrow for those children. You try to remain a relevant father in their lives only to be removed by a piece of paper and a signature. It shouldn’t be like this for anyone so family courts can create carnage and billable hours.
Happy Father’s Day to all fathers. All the fathers that got to see their children, I couldn’t be happier that you got a piece of that time and they in turn got a piece of half of their identity from you, their father. We are fathers and that’s all we’re asking to be. Not greater than moms. Just equal and to not have to feel this way the day after. As always, we love all our fathers out there and the women that support them.
I can’t imagine the emotions children have to endure just to survive. If grown-ups feel like this what about the kids? The poor kids have to face if there is no reconciling or making up for lost time before their father passes. Let go of those burdens that weren’t yours to carry. Sometimes we run out of the day after.